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Beginner's End

by Cooney Thatcher

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1.
On and on we go Like a wheel Like a wave as it settles Simple, sweet, and slow Let it float Things get worse, things get better I'll let you run when you're running And if you knock I might let you come in Like sun on a rainy day, baby There's got to be sun somewhere But that's not me I'll let it be I got love for my father I got love for my mother I don't know why I bother To separate one from the other On and on we go Like a wheel Like a wave as it settles Simple, sweet, and slow Let it float Things get worse, things get better I'll let you run when you're running And if you knock I might let you come in I'll let you run when you're running And if you knock I might let you come in
2.
I wouldn't worry about love It isn't something you can get a handle of It's like a river that flows If you can get to the bank, you can dip in your toes Early air, cool morning Start breathing again Take the chance to set it up right Opportunity, where have you been? Fell in love like a gravity well Before I could get on my feet How will it end? too early to tell But I paid for my seat I wouldn't worry about love It isn't something you can get a handle of It's like a river that flows If you can get to the bank, you can dip in your toes There is no source of attention No object in love Where do you go when you run after the dove? On the ground as it's flying up above Early air, cool morning Start breathing again Opportunity strikes if you listen Thoughts make a terrible friend I wouldn't worry about love It isn't something you can get a handle of It's like a river that flows If you can get to the bank, you can dip in your toes
3.
Gonna find another way to bring you down Won't fool or manipulate, or turn it around All I have to follow is your call Never thought another world was worth my time Calling out so quietly like a bird in a pine Now I know and I will not forget Taking comfort in the past Cradle shadows disappearing fast I'll remove the child's lie More false promises to never die Can't confront or run away Take a breath and find a game to play It's all I know
4.
I'm a simple guy Working on myself Putting pieces back together, everything is off the shelf Wake up with the sun Hit the ground and run Barefoot on the blacktop like a flower in a gun Typical mistakes Looking for a break I wanna take the easy way by riding in the wake I gotta find my style Stay there for a while I won't settle for a copy but I'll settle for a smile Memory is fine I use it all the time Pieces of a story come together in my mind I make a glove that fits I win and never quit I end up with a better deal when I commit to it Rhythm and the flow Cycle in the road Dancing with the energy I get when I don't know Feel the in-between Spaces as I breathe The world that I consider is the world that I perceive I'm a devotee You can count on me My life is dedicated to the blue jay in the tree Never early, never late Death is on my plate Living in the present at a graduated rate Working like a dog Candle in the fog Thoughts are getting heavy like a sycamore log Pouring out the words Drinking in the sound Ready like a runner as the beat comes back around Imagination rules Empathy is cool Everyone is swimming in an animistic pool Listen to your voice Use it like a toy Play the kind of role that you create and then destroy Seminary halls Monastery walls Letting go of everything is one way not to fall Crying with a friend Laughing in the end Rise above the pain and separate and let it mend
5.
I'm heading for a heavy blizzard The city lights are reflected in it I'm in a place not far from town But I'm not turning back around Took a lucky step on an empty road Took a chance in hell just to share the load Now I'm all tied up and I count by twos If I could find myself I'd have something to lose With a parachute bag and the book of Job I fall fast when I turn my pain to stone Split right down the middle like a cattail stalk Gotta use both sides if I'm gonna walk
6.
River of ideas behind one way glass Little visions of a scene not meant to last We float on different streams, each one falling fast How do you know the length of days without the sun? The sun is just a light, you say, but it's not the only one And so it is but tell me what you'll do when it's gone What would you say if I asked you how you spend your time? Maybe you don't know and that's alright I know where I spend mine The world is just a single room behind a tiny window That is starting now to crack along the edges And the wind is pulling through What will you do?
7.
Hey little baby, don't you know my name? Come on and dance with me I'm not the kind of person that you've met before But I will set you free I've been waiting for you so long No more distractions to hide behind See the other side I need you here See the other side I can see a little more each day There's no one left to take the pain away You may leave and you may stay There's no one left to take the pain away No one left to take the pain away Deep down, baby, you can see the truth That we are meant to be Take a first step, release your fear And baby, soon you will see See the other side I need you here See the other side I can see a little more each day There's no one left to take the pain away You may leave and you may stay There's no one left to take the pain away I can feel a little more each day There's no one left to take the pain away You may leave and you may stay There's no one left to take the pain away Don't you take my precious pain away
8.
Lies Harder to speak the truth And play the game we share Remove yourself from the world Eventually the truth will unfold God No one can save her now She's riding a one way street Her actions bound to repeat The pattern revealed in the thread No more time for this lie I'm falling asleep faster I fall down to the low bottomless dream I'm falling asleep again Days spent in a cave limit light Limit my chances of seeing the truth Darken my days, take them away I'm falling asleep again
9.
When you fall again You'll see the things you've been If you use your will You'll see; you need no pill I've been here before What lies beyond that door?
10.
What's Real 03:43
I won't know when the moment's gonna change I'm staying in my lane to play the game It's my last chance The setting of the sun will never be the same So i turn my senses on Let my thoughts roll along Open up my eyes and ears to feel what's real Ten years ago I saw a hidden door The sound of outer space, the horror and the play Dove in headfirst like a little baby bird With a shiver and a cry There's no more time and there's no more space Just leave behind the words that leave us blind They wont mind Leave your mind
11.
Awaken Sense 05:55
When you feel better, you come to me When you feel better, you come to me I'll set you free Let go and fall Commit to it You'll never have this chance again To learn the rules Give in to play Faith is flying on a feather against the wind For days in cold and stormy weather While you dance and sing Awaken sense And feel your bones And thank your friends To know the truth To see a sign And take a break And give it time
12.
I Don't Mind 03:26
When summer ends There's always a friend Waiting there for you Waiting there for you Days go by, running like a child Who never stopped to think of what was meant to be Oh, you You are my friend Do what you want to do I don't mind, I don't mind I really don't mind Late to bed, drinking wine instead Nevermind the time, nevermind the time I played my part A little stop and start Doesn't sound so bad No, it doesn't sound so bad Oh, you You are my friend Do what you want to do I don't mind, I don't mind I really don't mind

about

I grace this music with a long write-up, though I have routinely released songs sans-description, because I wish to instill it with proper gravity, to capture something of the context in which it was produced, and to allow you to enjoy it with a deeper understanding of its creator, if you so choose. However, you are just as entitled to experience it in its singularity, without the ‘liner notes’, in which case, you should stop reading now and hit play. Otherwise, read on.

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All of these songs were initially written and home-recorded throughout 2019, during a time of rapid change and growth in my writing, in my ambitions, and in my life at large. I've been writing music at least since I was 13 years old, but it was only in 2019 that I developed it into a daily practice.

I can't very well comment on the soul of the album, since that is yours to discover (and mine too). I can say that the spirit, on the other hand, very much captures my growth from semi-conscious creator to considered craftsperson. The learning and growing is never over, but “Beginner's End”, in its role as a chronicle of my work, captures that particular transition in my life.

The scary thing about personal growth is that your perception of reality must change along with you. To truly change, you have no choice but to let go of the anchors you once relied upon, while developing and maintaining the faith that allows you to recognize the new anchors as you swim along. It is often your own prerogative how much you are willing to change and move in your life.

These songs are born of a time when I was, to extend the metaphor, far from anchors, often completely out at sea. The arc here is not one of losing and regaining that anchor, that security, but of learning to accept the lack of it, and in the process, finding faith.

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The recording session was born of the pandemic. I had the time to commit to the undertaking, and was lucky to be able to work and stay at Josh Druckman’s Outlier Inn, an idyllic property complete with yurts and koi pond, west of the Shawangunk Ridge in Sullivan County NY.

Over the course of two nonstop days, I recorded every part of every song, instrument by instrument. 20 drum parts, 16 bass parts, 18 vocals, a million guitar parts, etc. The undertaking was focused and intense, but a natural trust and efficient communication with engineers Josh and Greg made it gratifying. I can't thank them enough for their professionalism and willingness to match pace, often amid turbulent life moments.

Getting comfortable on the floor, Beulah the dog held things together emotionally during a third day spent mixing, where Josh took the reins and graciously allowed me to co-pilot. Again, our unity of vision bolstered my confidence in on-the-fly judgements, letting us effectively make a day's work of what may otherwise have been a week-long affair. (we did meet again over a half day to put on finishing touches).

Not unimportant to the process were my repeated visits to the Shawangunk Ridge, which rises 2000ft from the Wallkill River, a tributary of the Hudson. I would park my car at the base near Ellenville, and run up the rocky trails to the high plateau, going from sky-lake to sky-lake by foot, winding through blueberries and navigating waterfalls along gorges. Quite literally, this was the grounding that allowed me to undertake making a record without getting lost in the details. I wasn't without questions or insecurity, but I was able to maintain the perspective to see that the creation of art, no matter how enveloping it can feel, is only one facet of my experience in life.

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Now that I've had a chance to get all analytical and poetical and such, I'd like to extend my thanks to the people who have supported me up until this point, and who will continue to support me whether they mean it or not. As one might expect, this list is really really long, so I will do some grouping.

First, to my fellow musicians and artistic colleagues, without whom I would not have been inspired to take up the creative role for myself. Particular thanks go to my sister Kelly, who has shared the creative ambition, for our song-exchange projects where we pushed each other to take risks. Thank you, you creators, for showing me the water is fine, and that it pays to take a dive.

Second, to my close friends, who make me feel like a whole person, and who grant levity to my compositional ambitions with humor and openness. There are a great many of you, and I love you all.

Lastly, to my family. To my siblings, Alyssa, Tim, Kelly, and Megan, for being perfect company through the experience of life. To my parents; Dad, Mom, and Kim, for giving me something solid to stand on, however unsure I feel. And to my loving partner Charlotte, who sees me for who I truly am, beyond my passing delusions, compelling though they may be. Love you all!

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This music is not perfect, so it should fit in quite nicely with all the other music out there. I hope you enjoy it.

credits

released November 18, 2022

Written and performed by Stephen Kerr
Recorded in October 2020 by Josh Druckman and Greg Castro at Outlier Inn
Mixed by Josh Druckman and Stephen Kerr
Mastered by Dave Schultz

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about

Cooney Thatcher Greenfield, Massachusetts

Debut album "Beginner's End" out now

Cooney Thatcher's name is derived from the matronymic names of his family which would otherwise have been lost to the patrilineal surname tradition of his culture. In his music, he strives to achieve the same; salvaging forgotten ancestry and highlighting the path from history to a living, growing, creative presence. ... more

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